buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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