I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
