i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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