Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
