I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
