can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize