We're facebook friends in real life
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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