So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
