i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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