I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
