just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
