my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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