I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
