Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
