Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
