A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Pooping to opera.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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