if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
