watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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