I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
