Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
