Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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