you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
