I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
