She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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