hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
