I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am naked and annoyed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
