and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
