i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize