One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
