She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
