Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
