does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
