Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
