I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
