Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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