I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
