he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize