I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize