I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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