your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
