No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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