I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
