I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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