I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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