Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i need some magic done to my vagina
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
