She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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