went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
they're like a gay fantastic four
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
