and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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