I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
