I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
