Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
