Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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