I'm really into asian looking animals
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
