Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
