Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
