She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
