Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
A bitchslap is in order.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
