At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
