We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
