pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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