I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
