I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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