I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
