This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Randomize
