I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
