my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize