Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
