i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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